


Ahoy, Lady

by VintageManniqueen



Category: Batman - All Media Types, Harley Quinn (Comics)
Genre: Alcohol, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-19
Updated: 2016-10-19
Packaged: 2018-08-23 10:08:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,022
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8323801
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VintageManniqueen/pseuds/VintageManniqueen
Summary: Harley and Ivy comedic fluff.  Takes place any time in the New 52/Rebirth Harley Quinn comics series.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, kids. It's been a LONG time since I've written anything, so I'm trying to get back into the swing of things. In the spirit of the season, this fic loosely includes the following prompt items: Ghost, pumpkin, a pirate costume, and the movie Jennifer's Body. There are so many better places I could have gone with this one, so maybe I'll write another...  
> Written in the style of the comics to the best of my ability.

Wow.  She really hadn’t expected  _ this _ .  She stares in childlike awe, mouth agape and eyes aglow at the majestic sight above her.  Spinning and twinkling on her ceiling are the glow stars she’d plastered there with the help of Pee-Gee*, that gorgeous hunk ‘a space sexy-

Oh, yeah,  _ plastered _ , she remembers, grimacing after shifting positions and realizing she may have a lower alcohol tolerance than previously assumed.  Maybe it’s the whole  _ ceiling  _ that’s spinning...

“WAZZAT?”  She yelps suddenly, clutching her beaver to her chest, wild eyes leaving her ceiling galaxy and roving the entirety of the room for the source of the noise.

_ “Yeah, I can protect you, Nutbuckets.  This big hole here in my midsection makes for a great shield against hitman bullets.”  _

“Shut up!” Harley snaps.  She throws the blanket over them sending countless takeout containers scattering to the floor, and commits herself to holding as still as possible. “What if it’s another ghostie,” she stage whispers to the beaver, “And Zuper Duper ain’t here to help me?” ******

_ “You take down living bad guys for a living, Fruitcake.’ _

Before Harley can respond, her window creaks open and in slithers-

“HOLEE SQUIDAROLEE! It’s the KRAKEN!”  She springs from the bed, swipes her favorite mallet from the wall in mid-air, and with a violent cry… lands in a tangle of ivy on her bedroom floor. 

Uproarious laughter and snorting fill the room.  “Ha ha HA!  You’d be  _ screwed  _ if I really was a Kraken! Ha **HA HA**!”

Harley scrambles out of the retreating tendrils and launches herself (with a safe landing this time) into Red’s waiting arms.  “Unf!”  She attaches herself firmly, legs around hips and hands flying everywhere excitedly.  “Baby!” she squeals between flurrying kisses to every sweet inch of Ivy’s face.  “What’re you doin’ here!”

Before Ivy can respond, she molds her lips to Ivy’s and kisses her slowly, tenderly,  _ longingly _ .  She’s been carried nearly to the bed when she leans back and looks her Green Queen  _ hatefully  _ in the eyes.  “Hey!  What’s the big idea, scarin’ a little pumpkin like me half to death in the middle of the night?  You gotta key, Red!”  She glares at her with a glistening pout and eyes that  _ just won’t focus _ at one hundred percent. 

Ivy releases her onto the mattress so she bounces a little and flops down next to her.  “First of all, you’re going to feel like a real pumpkin tomorrow, Peanut.  You smell like a bar.”  She leans into Harley’s face and sniffs with an  _ adorably  _ scrunched nose.  “And I may have a key, but I like to take the most direct route to the Princess in the Tower.”  She grins as she settles her lips to Harley’s once more. 

“Mmm,” Harley mumbles against them.  “‘S why’s no fun to play Super Maria Sisters wiff you.”  She teases her tongue past Ivy’s lips and is met with a giggle and sudden distance between their mouths.  “ _ Harls _ .”  Ivy pulls back.  “Your tongue in my mouth tastes like taking a shot.”  Harley stretches to grab at her dramatically as she stands to survey the damage in the room.  

“You just gotta catch up, Pam-a-Lamb,” she mocks, hanging upside down off the side of the bed.  

Hands on hips, Ivy turns in a slow circle, eventually bringing a flat hand angled against her forehead like a sailor scoping beneath the sun.  “Appears to be a dry sea, Captain,” She begins in her best pirate voice, raising a giggling Harley to her knees.  “Nothing wet for miles-”

“‘Cept me,” Harley interjects with a wink, scurrying to the edge of the bed from beneath which she produces a bottle of honey whiskey.

“- lots of wreckage,” Ivy’s monologue finishes.  Wordlessly, she snatches the bottle from Harley’s hands and strikes a pose with one foot on the bed, a fist on her hip as she swigs from the bottle.

“That’s the wrong liquor, you goof,”  Harley mutters, lovingly eyeing her companion.

“Lick ‘er?” Ivy questions with a tilt of her head.  “I barely just got here, Harls…” She trails off in a low chuckle.  Having yanked her down unceremoniously, Harley’s legs were now framing either side of her body, making deep breaths difficult for a multitude of reasons.

“Th’ was a good one,” Harley mutters, her lips quirked in a smile both dreamy and mischievous.  She’s subtly grinding her center into Ivy’s hips, fingertips creeping softly up Ivy’s core to brush teasingly at exposed freckles beneath the hem of Ivy’s shirt.

“How’d you go from slurring to seducing me so fast?”  Pam’s breath catches in her throat and carries her words out in a breathiness just barely above a whisper.

“I was speaking in cursive,” Harley counters, her own breath becoming ragged with every deeper grind against her lover.  “And if you don’t mind, my mouth’s got some more fancy writin’ to do.”  She dips her head without breaking eye contact and slides back slowly, arching her back downward and her ass into the air in one fluid movement.  

“Got moves like a pornstar,” Pam husks, groaning with a grin as her jeans glide down her legs.

* * *

 

It has been entirely too long without a peep from Peaches, and Big Tony’s getting nervous.  He sneaks in the door to check the puppies and kittens and grows more alarmed that Harley hasn’t been through to check on her babies yet, either.

Knocking getting him nowhere, he takes matters into his own hands and enters Harley’s domicile, armed and prepared for the worst.

The television is left on, the DVD menu for Jenny’s Body looping.  There are take-out containers and empty liquor bottles tossed in a pile with a pirate costume on the floor.   ‘Christ, Peaches,” he murmurs.  “I’d never be able to tell if there were signs of struggle in this mess.”  He rounds the corner and peeks into her bedroom... to first see her hand cradling her  _ incredibly  _ gorgeous girlfriend’s ass as they sleep tangled, naked, and more than likely still drunk.

“Like a bunch of teenagers,” he mutters, half irritated, half amused on his way out the door.  “Just made my damn day, though.”

**Author's Note:**

> *See Harley Quinn's short-lived partnership with Power GIrl in Harley Quinn #12 and the 6-issue mini series, Harley Quinn and Power Girl!  
> **See Harley's Little Black Book #3 featuring Zatanna and her ghost-wrangling abilities!


End file.
